Haunted

Since my return from Colorado, I’ve had a numerous amount of fails. United nearly lost my luggage. Chris’ toilet is broken (and still is after nearly 2 weeks). My iPod was stolen off my desk at work (in a few days, no one will be allowed into my classroom during non-instructional times). And now this…

I’m beginning to think that God has some sort of vendetta against me. Maybe Chris is right, his father should be praying for my Buddhist soul that’s already prime and ready for hell.

After living in the pigsty that has been my room due to bi-weekly date nights, coupled with recent trip to the Rockies, I finally got my ass into gear and started cleaning up my room. Two epic loads of laundry, vacuuming, and sorting later, I realized I still hadn’t even attempted transferring files from my dying Mac to my new PC. It’s only been, 5 months. :X

Some trial and error later, the transfer of 7hrs worth of photos later, I began deleting old photos to clear up some space. Of course, I find..all of you. Kissy Fish’s photos from work. Wolf visiting. Quite possibly the best boyfriend I had. Watching the sunset from the end of the earth. Even an entire folder of Mandroid’s navy graduation from Illinois.

I’m fighting a cold, and do not have the strength to battle memories of old flames. Not now.

 

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Your New Hoe

Your New Hoe

Kissy Fish has reappeared after dropping off the face of the earth the day after my birthday in May. Don’t really know wtf you want me with now, but if it’s to question whether or not I sent her an “anonymous message”, think again loser.

I have better things to do than waste anymore time on bitches like both of you. 😛

/rant

End of an Era

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Though this has nothing to do with romantic ventures, I just thought I’d make a post to commemorate the end of Xanga. I’d been a member since 2006. What began as secret, evolved into my personal diary. Some years were chronicled more closely than others, but in 2 days that is all over. 

I suppose this means I’ll have to create a personal one on wordpress, and figure out how to code it so it looks similar to my old diary.

Sayonara, Xanga. Thank you for storing my precious memories for the past 7 years. ❤

Never Settle

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The reoccurring dating advice I got before jumping in again was, “Never settle.” My whole life I have talked myself out of breaking up with loser boyfriends, staying longer than I should’ve, and telling myself that I’ve learned something with every failed relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I have, though that isn’t the practical way to handle it.

While I was in Colorado, a friend’s roommate, who is engaged to the love of her life heard me go on about my romantic flops and questioning whether my man was out there somewhere. She smiled and said,

“I used to feel just like you are now. I thought he didn’t exist and I was in relationships that weren’t good for me. But then I found my fiancee, and I realized just how thankful I am that I didn’t settle and that I had all those bad relationships, so I could be thankful when I found a good one.”

I couldn’t help but smile back at the happiness she radiated. Everyone’s optimistic words kept me going, and the thought that my “just right guy” is out there somewhere, is how I’ve persisted for so long. After countless bad dates, creepy guys, and 2 matches that fizzled out, I’ve found a keeper.

I was beginning to have my doubts that he existed. Cloud seemed like the closest match to what I was looking for with the height, sportiness, independence, and similar interests. When that abruptly ended, I almost gave up hope. But then I thought,

How hard would it be to find a guy that likes to lounge around, go out, workout, and enjoys sports? Surely, he’s out there somewhere. 

I gave myself until September, when my Match.com account expires, and swore that if I didn’t find anyone worthwhile by then, I’d delete all profiles and purely focus on my life again.

Maverick has proven to be absolutely wonderful, thoughtful, handsome, sporty, dorky, nerd, goofball and I adore him. :] He’s not afraid to be honest with me or show small PDA action in front of his friends. He’s been a gentleman with my gimpy foot, and really, is exactly what I’ve been searching for a long time now.

The best way I can describe it is, though we’ve only recently started dating (and became official last night 7/26), it feels like I’ve met him before. I suppose you could say kindred spirits. Not that anyone is complaining.

Without restraint, I’m jumping in. We’ll see how long we last but I’ve got a feeling, this one might be awhile. ;]

P.S. Cloud and Spongebob have come out of the wood work recently. And to think, you could’ve had this. ;P

Second Guessing, Everything

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I’ve been on a couple dates now. I’m beginning to realize that what everyone said initially, is right. I’m not ready for any of this. I never was. It’s gotten to a point where my own intuition is muddied and I’m second guessing every decision I make.

There is Spongebob, who seemed great but I haven’t heard from in nearly a week. There’s Maverick, who I have conversation battles with but begins nearly every story with, “So that girl who I met at the bar…” There’s Tony #2, who, let’s be honest, isn’t really interested but is using me as his backup. And then there’s you.

You aren’t right for me, and I know this and yet, here I am with you. I blame the fact that the sex is clouding my judgement. But the reality stands. You are looking for a tiny Asian girl, who has tattoos, rides a motorcycle, and likes to go out to drink. I only satisfy one of those requirements. Somehow psychology has won with proximity and exposure. Add to that the fact that you’ve been helpful despite all my broken bone. Really it’s the little things that won me over. The way you look at me before we kiss, the way you brush my hair off my neck, I know that if we started dating, we’d both be happy.

And now here I am, same M.O. as always. It’s nearly 7am and I haven’t gone to bed because you’re going to see her tonight. “We might be able to see each other after…or if not tomorrow.” I’m struggling to decide whether I should silence my intuition and jump OR just wave the white flag and go into solitude for awhile.

Over-Thinking Life

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The slew of dates have started, most, as predicted, have either fallen wayside or given up. But after all the recent failed relationships (Note: Tiger for 2 months & Cloud for 1), I’m left wondering if there’s any point in continuing online dating for 2 more months to see if anyone worthwhile bites and actually stays. 

I know my downsides. I enjoy always spending time with my man (exercising, lounging around, going out, etc), having sex, texting during downtime, so on and so forth. I have a career and your typical crazy FOB family, but I make it work. Sometimes, it feels like I’m judged for the shortcomings of my life/personality, and as much as I try to play it off like it’s fine, it still bugs me. 

Right now, I’m at a crossroads. My friends have always been split on this topic and here I am again. To just say FUCK IT, and date a bunch of guys and see what happens without feeling guilty OR choose one, and see what happens. 

I enjoy overanalyzing everything. Maybe this time, I should just forget focusing on the future and just let the chips fall where they may instead of trying to label every relationship.